Let’s face it, the one person you spend the most time with in your life is…you. That means the one you listen to the most is…YOU. Whether or not you’re aware of it, and whether or not you do it aloud, we all talk to ourselves. In good times and bad, we all do it. The commentary is running all the time.
How does the voice in your head talk to you? It is gentle and kind? Supportive and encouraging? Or is it critical and mean? Nasty and discouraging? If you’re like most people, you probably do a little of both…but more often than not, you probably talk to yourself in a way you’d never talk to a friend. And you probably don’t notice it most of the time, because it’s a habit.
Just the other day, I was trying to plug in my iPad, and for some reason couldn’t get the plug in the opening. My dear husband overheard me saying to myself, “What is WRONG with me?!” He said, “Heyyyy, gentle and encouraging, remember?” He was right, and I appreciated the reminder. Just because I was having a non-dexterous moment didn’t mean there was something “wrong” with me. We all do this to ourselves now and then, sometimes even too often.
So let’s practice talking to ourselves like we would talk to a dear friend. Be nice to yourself when you’re having a rough time or when you mess up. Sometimes it can help to give that negative voice in our heads a name. A beloved former teacher of mine calls hers “Nega” (short for “Negative”). My favorite was a student who named her judgmental voice “Judy” (after “Judge Judy”). That way, when we notice that negative, judgy voice harping on us, we can say to ourselves, “Oh, that’s just Judy, doing her thing.” It can help us create some distance from negative, judgmental thoughts.
Give it a try this week!